>> Why We Have This Emotion
Offense signals that we feel personally affected by immoral or unkind actions, whether intentional or not. Offense motivates us to demand an apology, seek reparations, or get some distance.
◎ What to do in the moment
Good Ideas
- Name the trigger in one line
- Don't respond while you're worked up
- Clarify their intent vs. their impact
- Let minor things go after cooling off
- Respond 1:1 rather than in public
- Identify what it is you want repaired
- Set a clean boundary or alternative
Bad Ideas
- Respond immediately with no plan
- Ruminate for hours on the offense
- Assume you know their intent
- Shame them publicly
- Ignore your own boundaries
- Keep score of each grievance
- Recruit allies to dogpile on the issue