>> Why We Have This Emotion
Cringe is a secondhand social alarm. Watching someone else get it wrong activates the same discomfort as getting it wrong yourself. Cringe is how we absorb social lessons without paying the full price of the lesson.
◎ What to do in the moment
Good Ideas
- Look away, the cringe is doing its job
- Laugh with them if they're in on it
- Check whether they need help
- Let it pass, remind yourself that their reputation is theirs to manage
- Learn from it as a signal of which norms feel important to you
Bad Ideas
- Intervene when they didn't ask you to
- Make it all about YOUR discomfort
- Continually remind them of it
- Mock them to handle your feelings
- Assume they feel as bad as you do
- Apologize for them without getting their permission