>> Why We Have This Emotion
Anger energizes us to confront obstacles. Well calibrated anger can help us enforce fairness, deter being exploited, and set boundaries without actual violence.
◎ What to do in the moment
Good Ideas
- Ask clarifying questions
- Make a specific, doable request
- Exercise or walk for 5–15 minutes
- Pause for 90 seconds and breathe
- Make observations, not judgments
- Label the boundary that was violated
- Ask what's underneath the anger
Bad Ideas
- Use absolutes: “they always/never”
- Delay sleep, food, etc. while upset
- Confuse the impact for the intent
- Keep rehearsing the offense
- Insist on solving things now
- Seek only confirming allies
- Keep score of past slights